Sunday, December 16, 2012

True Love - Don't read you will regret and ask why i don't read.A long story but worthy to be read . Take  your  time and read to the end .   Dear All,  Please read = even if you have to miss your favourite TV programme.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.


Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree.


You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery.

Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round.

As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.

I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. 

For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment:


"I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for?  You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."


Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."


Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs.


I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.


Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.


Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."


There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.


Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.


In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife?


At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice.


She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.


As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me.

For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.

Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.

I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me....

I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once?   We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

 After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.

During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the  ' all important '  task of preparing breakfast without any prompting.

At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife.

To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me:

"LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?"

He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.

After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?"

I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat.

I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not.   I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out..

Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes...

I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.

Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.

I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do?

For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.. 

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor."


The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.


Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.


Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there..

It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.

He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.

At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy.

What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down.

Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes.

I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up.

I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face.

He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.

Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.

What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters.

I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby.

I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said:

"Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."

I stood there in shock. 

I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away.


Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.


I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes.


My god, how could this happen?


Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me.


I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people.


That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.


As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her....


I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....


In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.


Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him.


And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe.


I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.


I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.


Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later..


The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other.


I am like the dead knot in his heart.


One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant.


After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes.


I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.


The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her.


He stared back at me,challenging me.


I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.


I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.


That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.


He did not come home anymore after that.


Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.


I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.


I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination.


My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them  " No, I will not.. " 


I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.


One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room.


The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke.


On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper.


I know what it is all about without even looking at it.


In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself.


I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign."


He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine..


As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry...." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.


After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me..


Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?"


Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops.


I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."


He did not go.


In the dark, we sat, facing each other.


Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket.


In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.


I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me.


I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.


In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.


We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart.


For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.


I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.


Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.


From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.


Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.


He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room.


At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.


This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.


He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us?


Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.


Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.


Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full.


I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.


He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.


It was sometime towards the end of Spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.


He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.


Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.


Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:


In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?


He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.


Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling.


I reached out and touched his hand.. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.


I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...

I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.


I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:


"Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and


I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand

PART TWO True Love - Don't read you will regret and ask why i don't read.A long story but worthy to be read . Take  your  time and read to the end .   Dear All,  Please read = even if you have to miss your favourite TV programme.


Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and


I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:


"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now...


I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be..


But daddy now no longer has that chance.

Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey.


To be honest, daddy is very happy.


Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most....


" From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.


Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby....


My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...


These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "


Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma.


I brought our son over and place him beside him.


I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."


He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.


Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.....


A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...


"Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family.


Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.".......


This is a true story.

LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO GRUDGES. I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger!


Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.....


This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift.


Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge.


In life, offenses are inevitable.

But holding a grudge is a choice we consciously make. Learn to LET GO....

To forgive others is to forgive YOURSELF. No one's perfect.


Communication is the key. It is never toooooo late to be friends.....




Tuesday, December 4, 2012

How To Motivate Yourself To Workout

How To Motivate Yourself To Workout
Sometimes all it takes is a little motivation to get you back on track and back in the gym. Instead of leaving you with just a few ways to get motivated, I have put together a list of 27 ways that you can use to motivate yourself to workout. Some of these are ones I personally use, while others were shared by friends, family, and clients.
After reading through this list, you should never have a problem motivating yourself to workout:
1. Set a goal that you really want to achieve. The most successful people that I have trained were ones with a specific goal in mind. Whether this is losing 15 pounds of fat or gaining 10 pounds of muscle, goals will help keep you motivated. Be sure to set a realistic time frame on your goal so it is not left open ended. Open-ended goals never seem to get finished.
2. Set a destination. Along the same lines as setting a goal, a destination is attainting a goal before a certain event: a family trip, a wedding, 50th birthday, grandbaby being born, etc. Having a destination will force you to stay on track, as there is a set date that you need to be ready by. If you do not have any destinations in the near future, set one. Set up a weekend getaway, plan on seeing a friend you haven't seen in a while, plan a trip, etc.

3. Find a partner. Nothing will keep you more motivated than a great workout partner. Find someone who loves fitness and latch onto him or her. Allow them to push you in workouts and learn all you can from them (assuming they know what they are talking about.) This is how my journey started when I put on 30 pounds of muscle in three months. I knew my good friend Levi was very knowledgeable about health and fitness, plus he pushed himself very hard in every workout. I joined forces with him and my other friend Brian, and we went to work!
4. Start eating better. When you eat better, you feel better. This will then lead to having more energy. When you eat bad, you will find that your motivation drops terribly. Start focusing on eating real foods the majority of the time, and watch as you start hitting the gym more often and with much more energy.
5. Compete. There is nothing like some good ol' competition to keep you motivated. Challenge a friend or co-worker to see who can stay the strongest to their workout plan. Note that this does not say, "who can workout the most" as this will only lead to overtraining. Set up 3-5 workouts a week and see who can stick to the plan. This will hold you accountable, as no one likes losing a competition.
6. Reward yourself. Rewards are huge especially when you are just starting out. When I began, my reward was the gratification of knowing that I became a stronger and better basketball player from my workouts. Now, I find rewards in many different ways: a rest day, a nutrition cheat day, a nice meal out, weekend vacation, etc. Find something to reward yourself with so you can stay motivated and stick with your workouts.
7. Track your progress. When you see written progress on exercises and workouts, you will see that you are improving. Improvements always lead to more motivation because you continually will want better numbers (ie. doing more weight on exercises, more reps than the previous workout, etc.). Track each workout then review your progress on a weekly basis.
8. Take a break. Rest is good! Many times you will find that you are unmotivated because you are simply worn out. Taking a few days off from your workouts will help your body rejuvenate and be ready to go for your next workout. Understand that if you have not worked out in 3 years, this does not apply to you. You may need a vacation from work or life, but certainly not from your lack of workouts.
9. Find the time that works best for you. We all have varying schedules and different times that work better to workout. For example, my wife just cannot find the energy to workout in the afternoon so during the mornings before work is when she goes. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who are not morning people and workout in the afternoon or night. Figure out when you have more energy and time, and get your workout done then.
10. Find inspiration. Inspiration for me comes from my friends who workout hard and eat healthy. I see them getting results so this keeps me motivated to work hard and outdo them. Simply seeing someone who is very fit can be your inspiration or for some just reading an inspirational quote will do the trick. Everyone is different so discover what will inspire you and stick with it.
11. Make it known. Tell everyone you know that you are going to start working out. Post it on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc. This will allow your goals to be out in the open and show others you are serious about doing it. You will be surprised by how much support you will get from family and friends when they see you trying to get fit.
12. Get support. Accomplishing any goal is going to be very tough so that it why it is important to find support on your journey. Get an accountability partner to make sure you stay on track. Or shoot me an email and I'd be glad to support you.
13. Build off your successes. Nothing feels better than having success at something new. Maybe just showing up to a workout is a success, if so, then build off of that. Look for any small successes that will keep you motivated: doing more weight than the previous workout, beating your time on sprints, doing one more rep on an exercise than the time before, etc. Any success is a success, so run with it!
14. Kill the negativity. Negative thoughts and people will come on your journey. Don't allow them to bring you down. Instead, kill those negative thoughts and replace them with positives. Positivity goes a long way so start practicing it in all situations.
15. Think about what you are gaining. When we take on a new task, we often only see the difficulties of that task. We get clouded and don't allow ourselves to see all the amazing benefits that are to come. Working out will lead to more energy, better health, and an overall better life. Don't let the difficulties of getting in shape cloud your final destination.
16. Join a boot-camp. Boot camps are a perfect way to keep you motivated as it forms a community for you to be a part of. Once you get going on the boot camp, the last thing you want to do is disappoint the other boot campers by not showing up. This will hold you accountable and keep you motivated.
17. Get a playlist. Music is a perfect motivator when you do not want to workout. Find a few songs that get you fired up on life, put them on then start driving to your workout. Once you are at the gym you have no other option but to get your workout in.
18. Have answers to your excuses. The excuses are endless that we come up with for not working out. You must know which ones you tend to use the most and prepare a response to shut down that excuse. Don't allow an excuse to get in your way of success. Prepare a response so the excuses have no authority over you.
19. Hire a trainer. For some, just getting to the gym is hard enough. So hiring a trainer will keep you accountable to show up to your workouts. If you simply cannot workout on your own (for whatever reason), find a trainer that will push you and force you to show up.
20. Take a picture. When it comes to working out, people want to see visual results. This is what they measure their successes upon. Although it is not all about looking good (I mean the ultimate goal is always to become more overall healthy), we like to actually see the results we are getting. Taking a picture is a good way to track progress and see how far you have come.
21. Surround yourself with positive people. As was stated earlier, positivity can go a long way. There is just something about positive people that brings out the best in others. Whenever I am feeling down, being around someone (or just talking to someone) that is positive brings my mood right back up. If you feel unmotivated to get in a workout, find someone that is on fire for life and listen to him or her. This will put you in a great mood and motivate you in all areas of your life, including getting that workout in.
22. Start small. Starting small allows you to have immediate success. If you have not worked out in five years, don't expect to just start working out five days a week. Instead, set the goal of working out two days a week for 30 minutes each time. Then you can build up to doing more over time.
23. Visualize your success daily. Many different studies have shown the power of visualization and the impact it can have on the outcomes of your goals. Visualizing your success will keep you motivated each day to keep pushing on towards your ultimate destination. If you ever feel like not working out, try to visualize where you want to be and I can almost guarantee it will change your mind about missing a workout.
24. Don't beat yourself up, pick yourself up. Mistakes happen. Workouts are missed and you will mess up on your nutrition plan. Don't beat yourself up when these things happen. Instead, use it as motivation to get better. If missed workouts start to become a pattern that is when you need to reevaluate what you are doing.
25. Stop the complaining. There is nothing worse than someone that is constantly complaining about everything. It sucks the energy right out of the room. There comes a point when the excuses must stop, and you buckle down and go to work. Complaining will get you nowhere.
26. Do it for the kids. As humans, we are meant to be active. But with technology today, we are becoming more and more sedentary. The kids of this generation have it the worst, and for you parents out there, it is your job to keep them active. Get them involved in sports, go on hikes, go to the pool or beach, or simply go and throw the football around. By keeping your kids active, you are also keeping yourself active. For your motivation, get in good enough shape so that you can always keep up with your kids, no matter what age you are!
27. Don't ever, EVER give up! What is the point of starting something if you are just going to give up half way through? Starting is the easy part, it is the journey that is hard. There will be bumps along the way but know that each time you push past a difficulty, you move one step closer to reaching your goal.
Find what motivates you and get started today. There is no better time than now to start changing your health and your life.
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